Is there a cure for narcissistic personality disorder?
If you have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder or you love someone who has, you may be feeling and thinking a lot about the diagnosis. You’re probably wondering what caused it and how your life is going to change, and you may be hoping that there is a cure.
Unfortunately there is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. It’s a disorder, not a disease, and it’s a personality disorder on top of that. Personality disorders are often deeply ingrained patterns of behavior, usually a specific type of behavior that impacts how the person functions in society.
Personality disorders usually manifest during adolescence and last for the rest of a person’s life. Narcissistic personality disorder is no different. If you’ve been accurately diagnosed with this disorder, then it’s something that you will live with.
However, just because there isn’t a cure doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. There are treatments. You can learn to manage narcissistic personality disorder. Treatments are generally lifelong and usually involve therapy and learning to recognize and alter or manage your behaviors.
It’s important to note that a personality disorder like narcissistic personality disorder is not a mental disorder, like schizophrenia. In fact, it is estimated that about 10 percent of the population suffers from a personality disorder, which is good news for you or your loved one.
Treatment Is Management
Narcissism can have a dramatic impact on your life. It can negatively affect your relationships, your job, your family, and your success. However, just because there isn’t a cure for it doesn’t mean it can’t get better.
Psychotherapy or talk therapy is the best treatment for narcissistic personality disorder. Treatment sessions will revolve around learning to identify the thoughts and behaviors that have a negative impact on your life. You’ll learn to understand the cause of your behaviors so you can modify them. You’ll also learn how to better relate to others. One of the foundations of narcissistic personality disorder is an inability to have empathy for others and this is something that you can work on.
There are no medications to directly treat narcissistic personality disorder. However, if you’re experiencing depression or anxiety, you may be prescribed medications to relieve those symptoms and conditions.
One of the biggest concerns for many dealing with narcissistic personality disorder is their relationships. It can be difficult to be in a loving relationship with a narcissist. However, there are steps that you can take.
Can a narcissist have a relationship?
It’s difficult to love someone who only loves themselves, right? That’s the challenge when having a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. Actually, it’s important to know that narcissists can and do feel love for others. The challenge is to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist.
What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like
A healthy relationship is one where both parties:
* Have empathy for one another
* Support and encourage one another to succeed and be happy
* Respect one another
* Share
* Communicate
* Trust
* Support fairness and equality
Issues with a Narcissistic Relationship
The challenge for a narcissistic personality is to genuinely feel these emotions. Narcissists often experience emotions that are quite different, and in a loving relationship it can become difficult. For example, a narcissist often makes their spouse or loved one part of their identity. When the loved one fails to fulfill that role, there is conflict.
They may also demand attention and unconditional support even when they fail to provide the same support. A narcissistic relationship can often be a rollercoaster of being put on a pedestal and idealized, to rage and blame when you don’t fit the ideal. Common relationship behaviors include but aren’t limited to:
* Emotional blackmail and guilt
* Isolating you from friends and family
* Tracking your movements when you’re not at home (and snooping)
* Lying
* Withholding sex or intimidating you to have sex
* Threatening to leave or cause harm
* Jealousy
Can a Narcissist Have a Relationship?
Narcissists can and do have relationships. Not all of them are healthy and it can be a dramatic and chaotic environment. However, if the narcissist is diagnosed and working on managing their behavior, and the partner is understanding and supportive while also able to hold firm to their own boundaries, the answer is yes. A narcissist can have a healthy relationship. It takes work, but all relationships take work.
Should someone with narcissistic personality disorder have children?
It’s a difficult question to ask and an even trickier one to answer. After all, you may be a narcissist, or you may love someone with narcissistic personality disorder, and still want children. Rather than try to provide a blanket “yes” or “no” answer, let’s take a look at some of the concerns and how they can be overcome.
Concern #1 A Lack of Empathy
One of the primary behaviors for a narcissist is that they lack empathy. They are unable and often unwilling to view a situation from another person’s point of view. Children require a tremendous amount of empathy. Small things can be a big deal to a child.
Concern #2 The Picture Perfect Family
Many people with narcissistic personality disorder live within a world of ideals. They have a picture of how they want their life to look. That picture can include a perfect husband or wife and perfect children. Narcissists will manipulate, threat, and do everything in their power to perpetuate this perfect image.
The problem is that no one is perfect and children rarely behave when you want them to.
When the picture perfect family doesn’t cooperate, a narcissist can become very angry and even aggressive. They can blame, generate guilt, and threaten. Children who grow up with this type of manipulation and need to be perfect, often grow up with significant emotional problems. However, there are an abundance of support groups for children with narcissist parents.
Concern #3 Power and Control
A narcissist’s behavior is all about control and getting others to go along with them and do things their way. Children are often easy to control and thus they can be considered a plus for a narcissist. It’s not uncommon for a narcissist to want to have children because not only do they gain a little person to control, they now have more leverage over their spouse.
Is It Ever Possible to Have a Healthy Family?
If a narcissist is in therapy and truly committed to changing their behavior, which generally doesn’t happen, then it is possible for a narcissist and their partner to raise a healthy and well-adjusted child. It’s not common. However, with a lot of hard work, help, and commitment to personal growth, it is possible.
Tips on living with a narcissist
Do you love a narcissist but you’re not sure you can live with them? People with narcissistic personality disorder have two faces. They have the personality that they share with the world, the one that is pleasant and often fun to be around, and then they have the one that can be quite unpleasant when they don’t get their way. And who gets to see the unpleasant face most often? The people that they live with. So while it can be quite easy to love a narcissist, it can be difficult to live with them. The following tips and strategies can help.
1. Know What’s Causing the Behavior
Narcissists can be manipulative, controlling, and downright annoying. However, if you understand where the behavior is coming from, it can help you have clarity and better manage your own emotional response to their behavior. That isn’t to say that you should accept their behavior and allow it. We’re simply saying that understanding where it comes from can help you make the best decisions for yourself.
2. Get Them Help, And Maybe Some for Yourself
There are different types and degrees of narcissism. Some people with narcissistic behavior disorder behave this way because they’re masking deeper insecurities. Others really and truly believe they’re wonderful. If you’re dealing with someone who is masking insecurity, they can get help. Psychotherapy can be a useful tool to begin to modify behaviors. And you can get therapy to help you develop coping strategies.
3. Establish Boundaries
Most narcissists will push you as far as they can. Their goal is to control you and your behavior so that you fit into their ideal. When you establish clear boundaries and stick to them, you may be able to establish a positive relationship. That may mean not allowing their manipulations, emotional outbursts, or threats.
It’s possible to both love and live with a narcissist. However, you’ll want to make sure that you’re prepared both mentally and emotionally to handle it. It takes a strong person to deal with this personality disorder day in and day out. Many people find that they cannot manage the Jekyll and Hyde type behavior. With outside support, a strong awareness of your own needs and goals, and an understanding of the disorder, you can get through it.
Next time we’ll take a look at some of the many prevalent myths surrounding narcissism.
Myths about narcissism
The only way to understand a condition like narcissistic personality disorder or NPD is to uncover the myths and reveal the truth. If you’re trying to deal with narcissism and you aren’t aware of the truth, the myths can really get in the way of management. So let’s talk about those myths.
Myth #1: Narcissists Have Tremendous Confidence
The truth is that there are different types of narcissists and that narcissism comes from a few different perspectives. There are some that do believe that they are the king or queen of the world. They have an abundance of confidence. However, other narcissists have low self-esteem and strive to control the world around them to protect it. After all, your self-esteem can’t be hurt if everyone around you does what you want them to do, right?
Myth #2: Narcissism Is about Vanity
This just isn’t true. Sure, some narcissists are vain and believe themselves to be physically beautiful, and maybe they are, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Other common behaviors and beliefs include materialism, entitlement, and antisocial behavior, as well as career, control, and relationship problems.
Myth #3: Narcissists Are Highly Successful
Nope. This one isn’t true either. Many are successful and some of that success may be attributed to their narcissism. However, depending on the type of narcissism they’re dealing with, they may also be so fearful of failure that they’re not willing to take big risks. Usually, great success requires someone to not only be willing to fail but also to be willing to take large risks in order to succeed.
Myth #4: Narcissists Are Abusive
Some are. Some narcissists resort to rage and anger when they don’t get their way. Not all do, though. Most resort to manipulation and coercion instead of anger and rage. Remember that narcissists strive to control the world around them and to sustain an image of their ideal or perfect life. Violence doesn’t always play a role in that perfect world.
Myth #5: Narcissism Can Be Cured
Again, this is a myth. Narcissism is a personality disorder. It generally starts when the person is very young. Over time, a pattern of behavior becomes ingrained. While the behavior can be modified through psychotherapy and support, it cannot be cured.
Narcissism is a difficult condition to live with. Understanding the myths can help you begin to make better decisions for yourself about how to manage the condition. Next time we’ll take a look at how narcissistic personality disorder can and does impact relationships.
How narcissistic personality disorder impacts relationship
Narcissists have a difficult time with relationships. It’s not a surprise; they’re not great at sharing, empathy, or boundaries. There are tell-tale signs that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist. If someone has NPD or narcissistic personality disorder, it can have a negative impact on their relationships. Let’s take a look at how.
1. Trophies and Ideals
Narcissists often choose their partners based on their ideals. They look for someone who makes them look good. If you’re the partner, this may feel like a bit of a compliment. After all, you’ve been chosen because you’re awesome.
However, you’re also being idealized. No one can live up to the ideal. It’s just not possible. When this happens, when the real world hits, it can cause problems. Narcissists resist any disruption to their perfect world and their partners just can’t live up to the ideal. Arguments, manipulations, and frustrations ensue.
2. Entitlement
Narcissists feel entitled to everything – the best jobs, the best material items, and the best people. The list could go on and on. Entitlement can be exhausting. If you’re on the receiving end of a narcissist then you may be treated as if you exist to serve them. There’s no balance; no sense of fairness and support. Most relationships cannot handle this type of power struggle.
3. Manipulations
People who have narcissistic personality disorder are manipulative. That’s how they get others to bend to their will. It’s a trait and a behavior that they learn when they’re very young. It may feel fun at first in a relationship to be put on a pedestal. However, later when the manipulations begin, it can be exhausting. Boundaries are crossed, feelings are hurt, and relationships often don’t last.
Other considerations with NPD are trust issues, fidelity, materialism and more. It can be extremely difficult to have a healthy relationship with NPD. However, it’s not impossible. If you love someone with NPD or you have NPD, there are steps you can take to manage it.
How does NPD impact your job and career?
It’s estimated that narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, impacts up to six percent of the population and it’s more prevalent in men than it is in women. It can be a difficult disorder to manage and even more difficult to live with. People with NPD can struggle with their relationships and social connections. One area that’s not commonly addressed is the professional world. Let’s talk about how NPD can impact your job and career.
It’s Good as Long as It’s Good
When everything is going their way at work, narcissists can be very easy to work with. They can be extremely charismatic. In fact, many narcissists make excellent sales professionals and entrepreneurs. They’re incredibly persuasive and have years of practice working to get what they want.
It Can Go Wrong, and Often Does
However, when it’s bad and things aren’t going their way, then it can get really bad. Narcissists can become too pushy, too manipulative, and even threatening when they don’t get their way. This can be a fast way to push away co-workers and make enemies at work. Narcissists can be skilled at making everyone’s life miserable, and they’re known to be vengeful.
If a narcissist feels challenged or threatened, which happens in the workplace, then they can begin to behave in a not so pleasant way.
Arrogance, Entitlement, and Self-Importance
Narcissists often come across as arrogant and self-important. They believe they deserve the best, which is good because everyone should have confidence, but they believe it to the expense of others. This doesn’t always make them very easy to work with. As managers and team leaders, they’re not so effective. They can quickly turn off the team of people they’re supposed to be leading.
The Good, The Bad, and The Reality
The good news about some narcissists, because there are different types, is that some of them can be really effective in the workplace. These are the people who are incredibly charismatic and believe that they deserve the best. They make good sales people. For example, a real estate agent doesn’t have to work with a team and their relationships with their clients are often short-lived. They might be able to sell homes quickly and never show their darker side.
However, other narcissists have fragile self-esteem and are unwilling to take any steps that might shatter their perfect world. That means they often don’t push themselves at work and they don’t take risks. They may not have much success in the workplace.
The reality is that most people have to work with narcissists at some point, and narcissists need to make a living. Understanding one another and learning to work together is possible and necessary. If you have NPD, learning to understand your behaviors and managing them can help you have a more successful professional life.
You might be surprised to learn that NPD often goes hand in hand with other personality disorders and diseases.
Personality disorders that frequently occur with narcissistic personality disorder
Did you know that personality disorders often come with a whole handbasket of other conditions that a person can be susceptible to? Unfortunately, it’s true. However, when you know what to watch out for, you can be prepared to take fast action. Whether you have narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, or you know someone who does, it’s good to know which other personality disorders they may be at risk of developing.
Depression
Depression isn’t a personality disorder, but it is a condition that people with narcissistic personality disorder often deal with. They often struggle with two different depressive disorders, namely persistent depressive disorder and major depressive disorder. And while there are no medications for NPD, there are medications for depression. It’s important to see a therapist and to talk with your doctor if you have NDP and are experiencing depression.
Eating Disorders
People with NPD have a desire, a deeply rooted need, to be perfect. They don’t see the world like others do, and this can lead to eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa is a common eating disorder that a narcissist may struggle with, and bulimia is another.
Substance Abuse Problems
You might be surprised to learn that people with NPD may struggle with substance abuse. It’s a coping mechanism for some. For others, it’s a way to perpetuate their feeling of being in control and on top of the world. Cocaine for example, is a common substance that is abused.
Paranoid Personality Disorder
This may make sense to those who are familiar with NPD. They often exhibit jealousy in their relationships and don’t easily trust others. They cross personal boundaries and invade privacy when they feel like they’re being threatened. Paranoia is a common personality disorder that goes hand in hand with NPD.
It’s not uncommon for many disorders, diseases, and conditions to cause new problems. The same is true for narcissistic personality disorder. However, when you know what to look for, you can take quick action and manage the condition.
Personality disorders that can be mistaken for NPD
Personality disorders are fairly common. In fact, it’s estimated that one in ten people has a personality disorder. Diagnosing them can be extremely difficult, as many personality disorders share the same or similar behaviors and traits.
Bipolar Disorder
At the core of narcissism is a struggle to maintain the world around them. It can manifest in many different behaviors, including those that may seem similar to bipolar disorder. A narcissistic person will often have two distinct personalities. One may be quite charming, albeit manipulative and persuasive. The other can be quite insulting, aggressive, threatening and even depressed.
Basically, when a narcissist feels as if they’re not getting their way or their view of their world and life is being threatened, they can become depressed or angry. Bipolar individuals can also have extreme highs and lows. They can vacillate between being manic, energetic, and happy to sleeping for days and being extremely depressed. The two conditions are quite different and are absolutely treated differently, but they can be mistaken for one another.
Antisocial or Sociopathic Personality Disorder
Someone with this disorder, a sociopath, completely disregards the feelings and rights of other people. They don’t have any awareness of or empathy for other people. They can also appear arrogant or narcissistic. A narcissist also struggles with empathy. They want people to bend to their will. However, narcissists are not impulsive, aggressive, or deceitful. Sociopaths are.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline personality disorder, BPD, and narcissistic personality disorder share many of the same characteristics. However, BPD folks tend to be much more aggressive and after their attacks they feel remorse. People with NPD tend to be more verbally manipulative and critical and do not feel remorse for coercing people or belittling them. They also may seek revenge for feeling wronged, but the vengeance is not usually physical.
It’s critically important to get an accurate diagnosis for your condition. There are treatments for narcissistic personality disorder and they’re quite different from treatments for other disorders. Treatment is the key to living a full life and that’s what we’ll talk about next time as we answer the question, “Can someone with NPD live a full and happy life?”
Can you live a good life with narcissistic personality disorder?
If you have narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, or you know someone that has it, you may be concerned. It’s a condition that can cause a lot of problems for the person struggling with it. It can cost them relationships. It can impact their professional life and ultimately it can impact happiness and fulfillment. However, with all of that, it is possible to live a good life.
Awareness Is Key
Those with narcissistic personality disorder are often difficult to convince that they have a problem. It can often take many hard lessons before they’re willing to admit anything. Imagine if you think the world revolves around you and that everyone should bend to your will. Now imagine that someone tells you that you’re wrong and not only that – but you’re also so wrong that you have a disorder. It’s difficult for someone with NPD to admit they have an issue.
Treatment Is Essential
Being aware that you have NPD and managing it effectively enough to have satisfying relationships, success in your job, and a fulfilling life are two different things. It’s not enough to just know you have a disorder; you actually have to want to treat it. Treatment requires psychotherapy and many people just aren’t willing to take that step. Psychotherapy guides someone with NPD to begin to recognize not only their behaviors but also how those behaviors impact others.
Understanding Friends and Family
People with NPD need folks around them who are willing and able to be understanding while also able to keep their boundaries. Someone with NPD will work hard to manipulate and persuade. If the people around a narcissist don’t have good boundaries, the narcissist will walk all over them. It’s also important to keep in mind that a “good life” may be defined differently by a narcissist than by someone else. A narcissist may define a good life as one where everyone does their bidding. Someone else may define it as a life that is filled with love, family, and friends.
Awareness, treatment in the form of psychotherapy, and a supportive community of family and friends are essential for someone with NPD. If you’re ready, willing, and committed to changing your behaviors (which can take hard work and years of time) then it’s possible for a narcissist to live a good life.
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