There are two things that are a bit difficult to talk about with many people. They are health and money. Yet no conversation seems to be more difficult than talking about them with your aging parents. At a certain point in the lives of many, the roles are reversed. The children become the caregivers and decision makers for senior parents. The initial conversation that you have with your parents may set the tone for the remainder of their lives.
Your Opinions, Goals, and Interests
Before you have the conversation it’s important to get clear with your own needs, goals, and opinions. Spend time considering whether they’re in the best interests of your parents. Once you’re clear on your own views in these areas, you may be able to set them aside and have a better conversation with your parents.
Have a Plan
Decide, in advance, what you’re going to talk about. You don’t need to talk about everything at the first meeting. Establish priorities and take notes. There is time for future discussions. The goal for the initial discussion is to open the lines of communication and ideally get the ball rolling in terms of future care.
You want to start small and focus on topics like what their plans are and what preferences they may have. Do they have a living will? How do they feel about staying at home versus moving to a retirement community? How much do they have saved for health care and long-term care? Estate planning and finances are difficult subjects to broach. Start by asking what they’ve already taken care of and move forward from that.
Be an Advocate
While you presumably do have your own thoughts and opinions on what might be best for your parents and for yourself, you can probably best help everyone if you take on the role of advocate. This means that you’re there to see that your parents’ wishes and needs are taken care of.
An advocate also presents options and information so that aging parents can make the best decision possible for themselves. Strive to be unemotional about it as your emotions can certainly cloud your parents’ emotions, too. The goal is to make the conversation as productive and painless as possible.
Finally, consider who to invite to the conversation. In most cases, it makes sense to keep the conversation to a small group of people. In fact, you and your parents may be all that’s required for the first conversation. However, it can be helpful to have other siblings with you as long as they too can be respectful and function as an advocate for your parents.
The conversation about your parents aging health and finances isn’t a fun conversation for anyone. Approach your parents with respect, empathy, and the dignity they deserve to help everyone move forward in the best way possible.
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